Quote of the Day

Creepy office guy: "I'm gonna come over there & pee on your shoes." As said to an undetermined co-worker.

"Coco. Coco Cabana." Over. & over. & over. It's the only part he knows & he has two of the three words wrong.

I do have something interesting to write about, but it's a secret... All of my 2 readers will just have to wait until Sept 9th. You're both on the edges of your seats, aren't you? I know. It's okay, you don't have to pretend.

I wish I was making it all up

I've been sitting here all day while being subjected to a total of 43 reports of the weather for about 5 different locations in our Metro area from the Nut head that resides on the other side of my cube wall. She's currently monitoring the radar of a storm about 50 miles away & is letting everyone know its ETA for Kansas City. This woman recently went on vacation & the whole department was subjected to listening to her weather reports on her vacation destination multiple times a day for at least three weeks before she left. Then, I kid you not, she called WHILE ON VACATION to check what the weather was like HERE. You're on vacation! Nobody cares that you want to know the weather here!

Now it's thundering & she's really flipping out. And she talks about her dog being so terrified of thunder that she has to medicate it to keep it from having a coronary. There she goes... "He's probably crying at home" Poor puppy.

I don't even have to pretend this stuff.

But someone who may be having a worse day than me: My Friend's tenant, who rents a downstairs apartment in Friend's house, walked to her car this morning only to find Friend's cat, George, snacking on a dead bird. Proud kill, I'm sure. Only Friend's tenant is too dependent to handle anything on her own. So she called Friend a total of four times at 6:30 am for her to come move the bird & cat so she wouldn't be late to work. Friend had her phone off & was awakened by tenant banging on her front door. Friend didn't know who it was & answered a minute later with husband behind her & nobody was there. She checked the other door & the cars & all looked well. She then checked her phone & tried calling tenant back. No answer. Friend then came back from lunch today to an irate/upset message from tenant complaining about dead bird behind car, how cat inconvenienced her by wanting to eat said bird and how Friend didn't answer door & somehow all of the above was Friend's fault for almost making tenant late for work.

Weather update from other side of cube wall:
"It's raining!... A dribble here & a dribble there."

Back to conclusion of cat, bird & tenant. Tenant is psycho & can't move dead bird on her own so cat will follow bird so she doesn't run over cat. Cat enjoyed bird very much. Bird...not really.

Nut head: "My puppy's crying at home."
Co-worker: "I don't care."

2 minutes later: "It's raining. Yeah, it's thundering."

I think she was cross-bred with Rainman...in more ways that one.

Future Study: Cows Really Are Country

Sorry if I'm a little off kilter today. I haven't gotten a lot of sleep this week & it's Friday so my brain has basically gone on strike until I give it more rest. So, just a few things I wanted to laugh at but don't really have the energy for witty banter today so here's a few rambling thoughts:

LONDON, England (Reuters) -- Cows have regional accents, a group of British farmers claims, and phonetics experts say the idea is not as far-fetched as it sounds.

"I spend a lot of time with my Friesians and they definitely 'moo' with a Somerset drawl," Lloyd Green said, referring to the breed of dairy cow he owns.

"I've spoken to the other farmers in the West Country group and they have noticed a similar development in their own herds.

"I think it works the same as with dogs - the closer a farmer's bond is with his animals, the easier it is for them to pick up his accent."

"Apparently the biggest influence on accents is peer groups -- on children in the playground, for example,' he said. 'Herds are quite tight-knit communities and don't tend to leave the area."

Full article

And they're going to spend money on further research of this?

It's people like this:


















That decorate with things like this:













That make this a very dangerous situation.

Now that the mooing in your head has stopped, I'd like to point out a most untrue thing I saw on Yahoo! this morning:












And, I imagine after you've taken their help of "surfing the web, connecting with pals and watching videos" you most likely will need their help of "finding another job." How nice of Yahoo!It's thoughtfulness like this that makes me wish I could work for Yahoo.

1. They understand and accept that I will waste 2 hours a day
2. They'll help me do it the right way by providing mind numbing information like this:













I'd really like to know the answer to number one. Mr. Brown Hat, I'll call him. He calls himself MrMiller, but I don't like it & what I say goes here because it's my blog.

Before I start making complete inconsense I'm going to go have some pumpkin spice coffee. And maybe I'll remember where I am & what I'm supposed to be doing here...we'll see.

Astronomers Say Pluto is Not a Planet

Let me just say for the rest of the galaxy... What the heck??! Pluto, NOT a planet?? To quote Yahoo! News: "Leading astronomers declared Thursday that Pluto is no longer a planet under historic new guidelines that downsize the solar system from nine planets to eight. After a tumultuous week of clashing over the essence of the cosmos, the International Astronomical Union stripped Pluto of the planetary status it has held since its discovery in 1930." DOWNSIZING the solar system? Who will they give a pink slip to next? Saturn, I bet. You know all those rings really take up a lot of space in the Milky Way and the "company" just feels it would benefit the "team" if Saturn took a leave of absence from its current "orbit." And isn't "historic new" an oxymoron, or am I just the moron? .... Wait. Don't answer that. I personally think with a name like the "International ASTRONOMICAL Union" all those scientists (see cocky scientist above) have just gotten too big for their lab coats in deciding which giant rocks flying through space get to be included in the solar system or not. Someone asked me, randomly (like that matters), this morning, "What is a stupid company?" I think this defines it. I really do feel sorry for Pluto. I mean he's got those three moons to take care of still & now he's laid off? It's just not fair!

Aaaand, I just heard the word "diarrhea" uttered from the other side of my cube wall.... uh oh. There goes Uranus.

Park it right there, Mister

Our apartment complex, thank God, just changed parking from assigned to reserved. Great news for us since our assigned space was a block away, all the way over in the North lot. We live on the Southern side of the South lot. So, of course, when we moved in in June they must have seen us coming with baby in tow and had to give us the parking space the farthest away possible from our building's front door. Every morning as I made my way to the car carrying the diaper bag, my lunch bag, my coffee, my work bag, my purse and the baby, I was afraid that eventually I was going to drop something...and I just didn't want it to be the coffee...

So last night, after finding a really great parking spot right next to our door--and being allowed to park there now!--I notice my husband staring out the living room window & making a funny face.

Me: What are you looking at?

Husband: Our neighbor

Me: What's so interesting about the neighbor?

Husband: The guy is looking at our car.

Me: Looking....like he's going to steal it?

Husband: No. I think I saw him sneer at our car because we parked in "his" spot. He doesn't own that spot anymore. It's not his spot!

The guy was apparently very angry with our car for parking in what used to be his assigned spot. I think the sneer was meant to pick a fight with the car. Cars have feelings too, you know. I guess he must have been too busy picking fights with defenseless cars to see Herbie The Lovebug. There really is a thing such as parking etiquette. Angry neighbor-guy should learn it. My only grave concern is that there will now be parking space wars. Stay tuned for this fascinating saga.

And for one of the most e-mailed news stories of the day... And I can see why. The headline is a real eye-catcher: Psycho Killer Raccoons Terrorize Olympia.
http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/wireStory?id=2342208
It gives new meaning to "unbiased journalism." And my only questions for the raccoons are these: Mr. Raccoon, did they actually test your mental faculties & prove that you are, in fact, "psycho?" And, Mrs. Raccoon, how does it make you feel when you hear humans say things about your babies like "We used to love the raccoons. They'd have their babies this time of year, and they were so cute. Even though we lived in the city, it was neat to have wildlife around, but this year, things changed. They went nuts." Does it bother you that they're using species slurs like squirrel puns in reference to your babies?

Are you on some type of medication?

At work we have what you'd call an intranet (extra emphasis necessary) bulletin board or what they call, "Buy, Sell, Trade." People put silly things for sale on it when they're cleaning out their garages or moving. Or, like me, ask other's opinions for decent daycares in the area (of which I got only 3 worthless replies-one of which was for a place where I'd have to sell my firstborn in order to afford to send him there, which really wouldn't make much sense, now would it-thanks).

So, to give you a better idea of how this typically works (because you'd rather break a toe on the bathtub than be left not knowing what it's all about, right?) let me break down the 4 standard types of BB posts for you (see, I've got to do this whole backstory thing):

1) The seller post. As stated above consists of people cleaning out junk they think you might want to pay for. Also known as the lazy man's garage sale. They'll often offer to provide a picture of the decrepit item at your request. They'll end up donating it to charity if nobody buys it.

2) The inquiring post. They ask for advice on landscapers, mechanics, sellers of BEAUTYCONTROL, accupuncturists and online scrapbooking. Replies usually consist of someone's brother-in-law who does all in his garage.

3) The fund-raiser post. Someone selling giant (bury dead bodies*) garbage bags, candy bars and scary-sounding things like "headhuggers"**.

4) The random post. This includes everything from announcing (bragging about) one's wife's 1st novel being published, free items like ping pong tables & thouroughbred dogs, aaaaaaand, really quite odd things like....

SELLING BABIES ON THE BLACK MARKET!!!

This was one that I will say sparked an interest in me like "free puppies to good home," & who doesn't love taking home a free puppy on a whim & then stopping by PetSmart on the way home for a spur-of-the-moment pet supply stock-up that ends up defeating the purpose of getting the doggie for free in the first place. And Okay, maybe the "black market" is a bit of an exaggeration. But, just read below:

"I wanted to get the word out to as many people as possible. A Family from my home town of Rolla is looking for a loving adoptive family for a 13 week old baby boy. Miles was removed from his birth mother last week and placed with a family member until a suitable adoptive family can be found. Birth parents are users of meth - Miles has no apparent ill health at this time but that doesn't mean he won't in the future. If you know of anyone who might be interested please let me know. Thanks"

Where, in the BB code of NORMAL standards for posting, does it say "crack babies for sale" is okay??

*Creepy guy in office: "Blah blah blah."
Only part of conversation I overhear: "Honey, I couldn't even fit a dead body in my trunk!"
Resulting office gossip fodder: Priceless

**When I read something like: "we make hats for people going through chemotherapy or who have lost all their hair due to a fire," I just picture Zeus's brother from the movie Hercules with the flaming blue hair, like that's all that's on fire on these people's heads is their hair? Aaaannd... that's where I'm doomed to Hell.

Which somehow leads me to this morning's conversation:

Cube mate: On the Buy, Sell, Trade site, what is this "Precious Moments-let him enter your heart" thing that is up for bid?

Me: It's a plea for your soul. "Anissa" (the poster's name, is almost a palindrome: "Assina," only that almost makes a bad word, but that's what Satan's all about, so I'm sure it's him in disguise. You know the whole wolf in sheep's clothing bit) put this on the "buy sell trade" so that you can buy the trinket in "TRADE" for your soul. See how this works?

Cube mate: Are you on some type of medication?

Random Names

When picking the name for my spankin' new blog today (because who doesn't have a blog??) it took me approximately 3 minutes to decide. And not because I had been dreaming of this day for so long that I just "always knew" what I'd pick, but because when I clicked on "create your blog now" I didn't expect to be faced with such a decision so quickly. The Blogspot put me on the spot. So after a minute of rolling a few possibilities around in my head I decided to just go by 3 criteria: 1, that it, of course, not be too cheesy-although seeminly inevitable; 2, that I not be embarrassed to tell my friends & family the name of my blog; and 3, that it describe a little part of me in some creative way that would make people say "oh, now that's clever. "

Yeeeeeeeeaaaah....so about that. ::ahem:: I caved under the pressure & ended up using the thesaurus in Word to help me out, and my husband's cute nickname for me, combined the 2 & there you have it. Silly, embarrassing... and somehow I'm sure it's totally me.

In other news, I'm still celebrating my birthday, the real date of which was last Sunday. But I just got another present--so I say, "the party's still on!" I received a jar of Thai Kitchen Spicy Peanut Satay Sauce...because my friends know me. I discovered this stuff a month ago & brought it to lunch several times over a couple weeks with some veggies for dipping...but after a few days I had to keep mixing it extra good before each dip because it kept separating & I didn't know why. Hmmmm....

Fast forward a month later. The new jar tells me "SINCE WE DO NOT USE PRESERVATIVES, PLEASE ENJOY QUICKLY. PRODUCT WILL KEEP REFRIGERATED ONLY A FEW DAYS." Good thing to know. I've also apparently built a resistance to food poisoning.